Facebook Message from Kate Ryan Singer to Judy Avrin
July 27, 2013
I have followed Someday Melissa for years now- probably since its earliest pieces became public, but it was at the first screening in NYC that I became consciously aware of what it really meant to me. As the film ended and audience members began introducing themselves, I started to notice that each person identified him/herself by a connection to the Eating Disorder Community.
At the time, I was in very early recovery, perhaps on the edge of another relapse. I realized in that moment that I wanted to be able to stand among the recovering. I wanted my life to be driven by the unique gift I had worked so hard for- a life after my struggle. It has taken a lot of time and a tremendous amount of hard work…. My struggles with anorexia and addiction cycled out of control for a very long time. Many times, I would sit down and contemplate or write about my own “Someday”.
However as I am writing to you right now I would like to share something different. I would like to share with you my TODAY.
TODAY, I am grateful to be alive. I live in that gratitude by sharing my story and reaching out to those who still struggle with the clear message that recovery IS possible.
TODAY, I have a job. It isn’t my dream job and it isn’t always fun- yet I show up to my job to the best of my ability with honesty and integrity.
TODAY, I have true friends who I love- and who love me- unconditionally. We talk, laugh, cry and live together. Some are near and some are far- all are very much alive in my heart.
TODAY, I am an equal partner in a loving relationship. It takes nurturing and work and it means I have to love myself on a daily basis so that I can be the kind of person my boyfriend deserves- and he does the same.
TODAY, I enjoy laying on the beach on my days off and even go out for ice cream afterwards! I am no longer too consumed with what I look like to enjoy playing in the waves and soaking up the sunshine.
TODAY, I embrace my struggles and the intermittent interruptions by that voice of my disease that tells me I am not enough because it allows me to exercise my strength and love by SHOWING that I am.
TODAY, I am over nine months clean and sober and free from the chains of my eating disorder. I am living proof that treatment, therapy, supportive friends and family and a program of recovery work. Although it will take time for me to repair my finances enough to return to working on my masters degree…. that challenge pales in comparison to what I have already overcome. I will continue to nurture my recovery by advocating for those who still struggle and SOMEDAY I will be a Social Worker, working hands on to give back all that was given to me.
Judy please know that, although there may not be many people who have been blessed enough to see this other side, I am eternally grateful for the people like you who continue to fight by my side every single day, changing lives without even knowing it. I hold you and Melissa close to my heart as a daily reminder of why I am fighting and of how much more there is to fight for.
Sending love and light, Ryan
Reprinted with permission and gratitude.
At Someday Melissa we are dedicated to raising awareness of eating disorders and having
open and honest discussions about ED and all that encompasses. Something we focus on a
lot is recovery. Recovery is possible! Although I’ve been in recovery for nearly 5 years now,
sometimes I wonder exactly what recovery is supposed to look like. Maybe you do too?
Lately I’ve found myself slipping a bit in my eating behaviors. I’ll admit to being a little
stressed lately because I work several jobs, am a writer and am in a play. There’s a lot going on
and it’s easy to feel a little out of control with it all. It started with simply being too busy and
forgetting to eat. I’d remedy that as soon as I realized I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. But in the
back of my mind was the little voice of ED asking, “Doesn’t it feel nice though that you didn’t
eat?” I hate that persistent voice.
I have a no weighing policy. Maybe you do too? I don’t own a scale and the only time I am
weighed is when I go to the doctor. For me, not knowing is best. I go by how I feel and how
my body is doing and I know when I feel great and I notice when things feel out of whack.
It’s a great way to really get in tune with yourself. My roommate brought home a scale a few
weeks ago. I took one look at the scale and heard ED again, “Lovely, isn’t it? Don’t you want to
know?” I asked her if she could hide the scale and never tell me where she put it and luckily for
me, I have a good roomie because she did. Extreme? Maybe to some, but not to me.
These are the things I have to do in order to remain healthy. Recovery is an ongoing process and
for me (this doesn’t apply to everybody out there at all), it will always be. So I do my best to
counteract ED. I eat when I don’t necessarily want to and nothing looks good. I keep with my
regular walking schedule and don’t try to increase it. I look for inspirational quotes. I browse
the Someday Melissa pages because you guys inspire me. Maybe you do too?
Recovery is different for all of us, but the one thing I always do my best to remember is how
much happier and healthier I am now. I won’t let ED take that away again.