It’s always interesting to look back at your younger self and in this case, it helps me see how I got to where I am today.
My somedays pre-ED, somewhere around age 7:
Someday I’ll be a lawyer.
Someday I’ll be an astronaut.
Someday I’ll be a writer.
Someday I’ll grow up and get married and have 10 kids (haha!).
My somedays during ED, around age 11 and up:
Someday I’ll wake up and eat a meal.
Someday I won’t berate myself over every little thing in a quest for perfection.
Someday I’ll be an actress.
Someday I’ll be happy.
Someday I’ll go a whole day without hating myself.
Someday, someone somewhere will understand me.
Someday I’ll understand me.
Someday I won’t wake up every morning and wish I was dead.
So which somedays did I accomplish?
Well, I’m not a lawyer or astronaut (turns out you have to go to school for a really long time to become a lawyer and the whole idea of space actually creeps me out). I’m not married and no way do I want 10 kids (what was I thinking??). I am a writer though.
And from my ED days?
Well, I’m happy to say I can cross off every single one of those somedays from my list. It was a long road, a hard road but I wake up happy most days and I eat. I don’t wish I was dead and I have a much better understanding of myself and I don’t hate me at all – in fact, I think I’m pretty awesome. And I no longer berate myself over every imagined slight. Does this mean everything’s perfect? Not by a long shot. I have bad days, I have sad days but most of the time I am genuinely happy and able to cope with what comes my way. And that’s saying something.
So what are my somedays for the future?
Someday I won’t think of food as the enemy (I admit to still having trouble with this one).
Someday I’ll fall in love and it will be real.
Someday I won’t even be able to remember what the idea of “perfection” feels like. I won’t be able to think of one good reason to be “perfect”.
Someday I’ll travel the world.
Someday I’ll change at least my portion of the world, if not more, simply by being able to say with authority “It gets better” because someday, somewhere the person that needs to hear that will hear it and they’ll finally believe it.
What are your somedays? What somedays have you already accomplished? Share yours with us!